PERCEPTION

Perception is a funny thing.The value of what someone does or who someone is largely depends on the perception of that person by those around him.Some people are an open book and some,not so much,but if those surrounding that person do not take the time to look beneath the surface they may indeed be missing something.I have come to realise a few warped perceptions of myself of late.It seems that I am not the open book I thought I was.It seems that most of the people I thought knew me in fact don't.They think they do, but mostly that is just a perception of me that makes them comfortable and me,easier to deal with. I have given up trying to "prove myself" to people and justify why I live the life I do and instead have decided to actually just go out and live it and hopefully,along the way,find some sort of purpose.

This new adventure of mine was described by a friend not so long ago as, "a self indulgent backpacking holiday" and in many ways I can see his point.To spend a few months cycling around nice places is indeed what some people do for a holiday but for me it is something different.For me it is something deeper.For me it is a reason to stay alive.

Over the last few years percetions have changed. I have stopped being the fit, healthy,race winning Ultra-triathlete an morphed into an overweight unfit loner,who spends too much time drinking beer and not enough time getting a "real" life.There is a lot of truth in that as well but the real truth is a little harder to take.The real truth is a story about someone who has been battling with depression for the last decade.The real truth is about someone who is trying to find a reason to keep fighting the fight and stay above ground.

It's not all doom and gloom and I'm not about about to throw myself under a truck but the fact is I often ask myself if there is any real point to it all?Does my being alive actually make a difference?Sometimes I wonder,more than sometimes.So I decided to find out.

I'm going to,through my long ride and this blog,try to bring a little joy to the lives of those who have been struck down at the start of their journey through life.Struck down by a cruel disease which does not care about the young lives it tears apart and the sadness it leaves behind.To that end I will again try to raise money for the great little charity that is Athletes in Kind.I didn't have much success the last time I tried to fundraise for them but I'm hoping with the new audience that I have found through Facebook and other global comunications, that I may be able to generate some interest and actually be able to do something constructive with my life.

I don't know how long this journey will last and I don't know what will become of me when it ends but I have no doubt that it won't be dull.

Stay tuned.